


Chobaloids.

by FeliciaAmelloides



Series: A Oneshot a Day... [71]
Category: Chobits, Vocaloid
Genre: Awful Japanese, Bad Japanese, Crossover, F/M, Horrendous Japanese, Miku is Chi, Perverted, Unreliable Narrator, Weeaboo Culture, unnamed narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-03-12
Packaged: 2019-03-30 15:03:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,420
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13954137
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FeliciaAmelloides/pseuds/FeliciaAmelloides
Summary: Persicoms are the hottest new technology around. Everyone seems to have their very own robot humanoid assistant nowadays, and our protagonist also desires one. So when he finds a mysterious blue-haired girl lying in the trash and then discovers that she is a Persicom, he gets his wish.But living with a broken foreign model Persicom filled with secrets is a much more difficult task than he anticipated...





	Chobaloids.

**Author's Note:**

> Don't know why the protagonist is unnamed. It just happened. He's male though. The translations are in double brackets, but I'm fairly certain that most of it is wrong anyway because my knowledge of Japanese is limited to weeaboo speak with the occasional actual grammatically correct thing in there. 
> 
> Japanese Notes- 'ka' is often used at the end of a statement to make it into a question, and adding 'ne' to the end of a statement can mean either 'yes' or 'right?' depending on the context. Also, in Japanese first names come last and last names come first (so if my name was actually Felicia Amelloides then in Japan it would be said as "Amelloides Felicia"). That's why there's some confusion near the end with names, as the narrator can't speak Japanese.
> 
> TW- Perverts, accidental mysogyny from my poor writing skills (sorry), mild sexual imagery, ecchi, terrible Japanese, nudity (not graphically described) and general weirdness.

All my childhood, I lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere. My teenage life was spent milking cows and reading the same stolen porn magazine over and over, dreaming about the beautiful city girls and the beautiful city life. 

The moment I turned 18, I moved away to the city to start a new life. That was when I discovered the Persicoms.

They were robots with the shape of humans, both female and male. They talked; they laughed; they worked; they sang; they felt... Essentially owning one was slavery without the moral issues. 

I wanted a Persicom so much. Having my very own personal assistant sounded amazing. And I could get a super cute girl one too! That way, I wouldn't even have to worry about getting a girlfriend- I'd already own one!

Ah, that sounded so perverted! I'm not a misogynist, seriously! I just get super excited when talking about Persicoms!~

But anyway. The reason why I hadn't already bought a Persicom upon arriving into the city was because they were so expensive. Even the smaller, pocket editions were worth twice my salary- and by that I mean my salary for three years without tax reductions! Try as I might, I just couldn't find a good enough job to land me a windfall large enough to buy one.

So I waited, desperate to enter the beautiful world of Persicoms, until one fateful night when every changed...

I was heading home from cram school one night, the sun already slipping below the horizon as I walked along the dirty back alley which served as a shortcut to my meagre apartment. It wasn't quite winter yet, but I could still feel the cool night air biting at my exposed skin. Wrapping my coat more tightly around me, I shuddered.

Then, in a stroke of bad luck, I tripped on a rock and was sent flying to the ground. I winced, pain shooting through my legs and right shoulder. If I wasn't already getting bruises, I would be soon. 

I saw her when I got up, groaning and trying not to put too much stress on the injuries which now covered my body. Looking up, my eyes widened in horror and shock when I saw the girl lying naked in the trash, body covered in dirt.

Her body was loosely wrapped in cotton bandages, fortunately covering the parts of her no one should ever see, but she was certainly not dressed for the weather outside. She seemed to be unconscious, barely even shivering against the icy chill of night air. Strangely enough, her hair was incredibly long and electric blue in colour. She was wearing two black and red squares to keep it tied into pigtails. Each went to her knees at least, and I found myself wondering if that was natural. Probably not.

But the thing that surprised me the most about this girl's appearance was the tattoo on her left shoulder, partially obscured by her hair. Against my better judgment I stepped towards her, brushing the blue strands away from it. Imprinted in red and bold against her pale skin, it consisted of the number _01_.

It was only when I saw the tattoo that I realised she wasn't human. This was a Persicom, left out in the trash like garbage. At first I was overcome with disgust at whoever was capable of tossing out something so life-like and pretty for seemingly no reason whatsoever. There was barely a scratch on the Persicom, and she looked well enough. 

Then it hit me. This Persicom was _trash_ , right? So that meant that she wasn't wanted by whoever had originally owned her. She probably was just an older model or something. Then that meant... no one would mind if I just... _took her off their hands..._ right?

Without further ado, I reached for the girl, carefully hoisting her onto my shoulders and trying not to scream as her incredible weight further aggravated my injuries. With how soft her skin was, I had almost forgotten that her endoskeleton was made of solid titanium. With a grunt that sounded more like a screech of effort, I successfully got her out of the trash and started taking her home.

It took a lot of energy to drag both myself and the girl to my apartment, and I almost cried when I realised that I was going to have to take her up three flights of stairs too (the elevator in the apartment block was eternally broken). 

Fortunately, luck was on my side today, as I was greeted with a helping hand upon entering the apartment building.

A young woman with her chestnut hair styled into a bob rushed up to me, deep hazelnut eyes tainted with concern as she reached me. Her striking red receptionist uniform really stood out against the muted beige of the apartment block's main lobby.

"My apologies for bothering you sir, but it would seem that your Persicom is unwell. Might I suggest taking her to repairs immediately?" Glancing at the name tag over the receptionist Persicom's heart, I found that her name was Meiko. I wondered what number she had on her arm.

"N-no, that's alright. I'll fix her up when we get back home." I responded, a little foolishly perhaps, but I didn't want to have to drag her to the nearest repair shop on the other side of town whilst she wasn't wearing anything and I didn't know if it was even legal to have her or not. Meiko, being a Persicom, simply nodded and didn't protest my decision.

"Then please allow me to escort her to your apartment." Her tone was a little clipped, with an odd hint of judgement in there that I would not have expected from a robot. Persicoms really were something.

Meiko lifted the Persicom- _my_ Persicom- up with a strength that I severely envied, and we climbed the stairs in silence. After what felt like a decade, we finally arrived at my apartment after I led her down three wrong halls. Her wrath burned onto the back of my neck, yet when I looked at her her face was fixed in that eternal neutral frown. She handed me the unconscious Persicom with a little too much force, and I shot her a small glare from where I stood.

"Perhaps instead of looking at me like that you should have taken her to the repair shop. _Sir._ " The brunette stated in a perfect deadpan before spinning on her heel and smartly walking back down the hall, presumably to the lobby. Suppressing my anger at her snarky remark, I carried my own, far superior Persicom into the apartment.

Setting her down in the centre of the beige carpet (what was with this apartment block and _beige_?), I immediately realised that I had no idea how to activate her. Although I was fairly certain that Persicoms (the full-sized 'desktop' ones anyway) didn't need batteries, they did have some sort of on switch somewhere. So the only thing I could do was poke.

It had been half an hour. I had poked everywhere. She still lay there, eyes closed and unresponsive. Actually, other than the red tattoo (which was really more of an industrial ID number than body art) and the cerulean hair (which was far too long to be natural-looking), she looked a lot like a regular human girl. Well, more of a woman than a girl. In her early twenties perhaps? I'm not the best judge of age.

And suddenly it hit me. There was one more place I hadn't tried to press yet. A blush crept across my face, and I found myself reeling in mortification. There was no way I could press... _there_... right? Sure, she was a robot, but she looked too much like a human for me to do it without feelings extremely uncomfortable. But I couldn't possibly.... 

Screw it. In a burst of determination, I slammed my hand straight into the place no man should ever go without consent...

There was an audibly loud 'beep' sound, and a blue glow illuminated the Persicom's eyelids for a few seconds. Seems like that was the 'on' switch. How well designed.

That last statement was sarcasm. Obviously.

Within a few seconds, the girl sat up stiffly and opened her eyes. They were the same colour as her hair, which seemed to be fairly common in Persicoms as Meiko was the same. Unfortunately, in sitting up so quickly her bandages slipped and fell alongside her hair clips, blue strands and white cloth flying across the room. I sat, stunned and not quite sure where to look, in awe of this unexpected situation.

Then the fabric settled and I leapt to my feet, rushing to my closet to grab some clothes. A plain white t-shirt, an oversized sweater and a pair of baggy jogging bottoms were the best I could find, but it'd do. I threw them in the Persicom's general direction and hoped that she knew how to put them on.

One minute. Two. Three. The hope from the last paragraph still in my mind, I decided that I would have to check up on her. I looked. 

She had the jogging bottoms on just fine, fortunately, but seemed to be struggling a little with the shirt. This was because she had put the sweater on first (it was backwards and inside out too). Sighing in a mixture of amusement and relief, I crawled over to her and gently took the shirt from her hands. 

Pulling the sweater over her head (and making sure not to look at her too hard), I sorted it out so that she was wearing the clothes properly before stepping back to examine her.

She had way too much hair for one Persicom.

I wasn't expecting her to say anything, so when she did I started backwards.

But rather than words, the sound which emerged from her lips was... music?

 _Kanashimi no umi ni shizunda watashi me o akeru no mo okkū~_ ((The first line of 'Deep Sea Girl', or 'Shinkai Shoujo')) I simply stared as she sang the first lyrics of a song I didn't recognise using words I didn't know. However, before she continued she stopped herself and looked up at me, blue eyes wide in surprise as if she'd just noticed my existence.

"Ah... Anata... Watashi..." ((You... I...)) Eyes nervously darting from side to side, she seemed to struggle to find words. Her speech sounded a little mechanical, almost broken. Meiko was right, the smug jerk. I really should have just gotten her repaired right away. She seemed to notice my confusion, however, as she quickly pointed to herself, then slowly extended her hand to me.

"Nihongo ka?" ((Japanese (question mark))) She asked, still unsure of herself. I had no idea what that meant, but I'd figured out by this point that either her language setting was broken or she was just a foreign model. From what I could piece together from the various hentai I'd seen over the years, she was speaking Japanese, but I didn't know a word of it other than 'oppai' ((boobs)) and 'ochinchin' ((child's term for a penis)) , neither of which I think she'd be pleased to hear me say. I couldn't answer whatever question she'd asked me because of that.

Luckily, I had the Internet! Whipping out my old school phone, I used a translator app on my last dregs of mobile data to communicate with her.

"Igirisu desu ne~" ((Yes, I am England~)) I said with confidence. There was short silence before she cocked her head to one side and asked,

"Anata wa nihongo o hanasu koto ga dekimasen." ((You can't speak Japanese.)) Her blunt tone indicated that I had either offended her somehow or completely butchered my attempt at speaking her language. Knowing me, it was probably both.

I nodded awkwardly despite having no idea what she just said, and she frowned slightly before trying again, "Igirisu... Eigo... Um... Engorishu... ka?" ((England... English... A poor attempt at pronouncing 'English' in English... question mark?)) Her pronunciation was awful, but this time I could at least vaguely tell what she was saying.

"Yes..." I nodded again, "English." The Persicom just frowned, trying to piece this together. Her eyes briefly flashed blue and she froze up, but before the panic could start up in my mind she came back to life.

"Osumimasen. Watashi no hon'yaku reseputā wa hidoku sonshō shite imasu. Engorishu... Iie..." ((Sorry. My translation receptors are severely damaged. (Butchered pronunciation of 'English')... No...)) Shaking her head as she attempted to mime out the right words, I really thought she looked rather cute for just a moment, "Go- oodō..." ((Poor attempt at pronouncing 'good'.))

I smiled at her reassuringly and flicked through my phone while I still had Internet in an attempt to find an interesting name for my new Persicom. She watched me curiously as I researched, conversation lost between us due to the incredible lack of ability to communicate. 

After a short time of browsing through naming websites, I finally found a good name. Pointing at the blue-haired Persicom, I stated (after another round of awful Internet translating), "Anata... Desu... _Miku Hatsune_ " ((You... I am... Hatsune Miku (The first sound of the future))) Miku, as I had named her, looked at me blankly before smiling. It was the cutest thing I'd ever seen, surpassing even the baby guinea pigs at the farm one year.

"Konnichiwa Miku-San. Watashi wa... Um..." Upon looking up what she just said, I gasped at the realisation that she seemed to think I had just introduced myself as 'Miku Hatsune'. Even worse, I didn't get the names the right way around, so she thought 'Hatsune' was my first name. Groaning and face-palming, I tried again, shaking my head at her so she'd know that I'd been mistaken.

"Anata wa Hatsune Miku." ((You are Hatsune Miku (the first and last name are the right way round now).)) At this, her eyes widened so I could see even more of their blueness and she quickly nodded.

"Watashi wa Hatsune Miku desu. Anata wa...?" ((I am Hatsune Miku (Miku Hatsune). You are?)) I was finally learning! I introduced myself successfully, and she smiled upon finally understanding something I said to her without mishaps.

And that started off our life together. A Japanese Persicom and an American human in the big city, trying to find answers. But this was only the beginning of our quest...

**Author's Note:**

> I love the idea of humanoid sentient robots, and have ever since I first saw the anime Chobits about four years ago. I've dabbled with this idea a lot, from trying to make it into Jalph to using it as a sub-plot in my MDD-created fantasy world. It's a lot of fun to write!
> 
> Originally, this was going to have a lot more vocaloids than two, but it got too long and I got too tired, so it's shorter. If I get the chance I'll screw up the entire oneshot collection by making it multi-chapter.
> 
> Prompt- Vocaloid/Chobits crossover.
> 
> Original Number- 218.


End file.
